Thank you, Mr. Fogelman, Ms. Moore, and Mr. Huertas.

     When I was younger, I would often look at older couples, individuals whose hair had turned gray and whose bodies were full of wrinkles, and think, "How can they find each other attractive? Why are they still together?" I'm aware that this seems shallow and ridiculous, but as a kid, I was stupid and shallow and had no understanding of love other than what I saw on All My Children or Dynasty. Now that I'm older and wiser, I have the true knowledge that when you are with your person, your eyes see the one with whom you first fell madly in love--it's the same face that you see in your eyes through the years. It's as if your person has a filter on them, like the ones you can add to pictures on different photo apps. Now, this doesn't mean that your person is flawless or that they won't still disappoint you now and again...perfection and perpetual bliss are unrealistic expectations for any relationship. But I understand now why those couples whom I saw happily gazing into each others' elderly eyes didn't see the flaws that my young and inexperienced (and naive) eyes saw.

    Stay with me...it will make sense in a few minutes. 

    I have seen this reality in countless other older couples in the last 15 years, especially first-hand with my own parents. I saw the filter appear with my dad when my mom was in the terrible lows of Alzheimer's disease, as he tried to care for the person he married, unaware that she was quickly leaving and becoming a person that only Alzheimer's creates. To him, she was his outgoing and chatty wife: the woman whom he lovingly married and with whom he dutifully (and amazingly) raised 2 children. I, however, did not have the same filter and saw someone with raging anxiety, frustration at all people around her, unfathomable fear, and unending memory loss. It broke me watching my dad come to grips with the fact that she was not the version he knew, as if he'd been duped by an imposter in her clothing.  Alzheimer's is an evil, greedy, horrible disease that is unrelenting and hurtful--to the patients in the early stages as they come to realize what they are losing and to the caregivers who cruelly endure the exhausting later stages that rob them of the person they love; a time of woe in which their lover becomes a person who may look similar but has a completely unrecognizable personality and demeanor.

    This week, I sat down to watch one of my favorite shows recorded on our DVR, thinking I would be seeing another heartfelt and nostalgic episode with the characters whom I'd come to love over the last several years as they close out this final season. I turned on the TV intending to escape for a bit before I had to go to an appointment and had just enough time to see it before starting my day. Little did I know where pressing the "Play" button would lead that day.

    In episode 15 of the final season of "This Is Us," audiences get to know more about Miguel. [Now, if you are not a fan or do not watch the show, I hope you'll keep reading. This post is much more than a description of the characters or the show. In fact, I hope that you will still go back and watch episode 15 of season 6 on NBC after reading the post--I hope it will give you a greater understanding of what I'm about to tell you.] I didn't think much about it, since Miguel's been a peripheral character in much of the show. However, this episode was profound to me. [Okay, if you are a fan of the show and haven't yet seen this episode, you may want to watch it and come back to this post.] It was emotionally jarring to the point that one of my dogs, Macey (who should be a therapy dog in a hospital), left Dan's side (which she never does) and nudged up against me as I was wracked with sobs--her attempt to console me in her canine mind.

    As the show has progressed, Mandy Moore's character, Rebecca, is diagnosed with and experiences the progression of early-onset Alzheimer's disease. I was curious how the showrunners, creators, writers, directors, and especially the actors were going to produce this story arc. Would it be authentic? Would it seem realistic? Would I be disappointed and appalled at an unrealistic portrayal? The answers to these questions have been answered: Mandy Moore and the rest of the production staff must've done their research, because up until this point, she has done very well in portraying the decay of a woman with Alzheimer's. Up until this episode,  we've seen glimpses of what so many families experience with the disease. Up until now, I was able to watch with only small amounts of tears being spilled.  

    And then came the episode focused on Rebecca's second husband Miguel, (played by Jon Huertas) who also happened to be the best friend of her first husband, who died long before her romance with Miguel ensues--a very tasteful and sweet story of love being found years after loss and of friendship being reborn. Miguel is loyal and tender, truly in love with Rebecca despite years apart (again, the filter proving that love sees beyond age and physical imperfection). Miguel becomes the dutiful and tireless full-time caregiver to Rebecca, as so many spouses and children must do for victims of Alzheimer's disease.  We see the toll that it takes on Miguel, both emotionally and physically, to the point where his health is at risk. I cried tears of pure pain (and am doing so now) as I watched him give so much of himself to help give the woman he loves as many more days of clarity as he can by creating an exhausting and rigorous routine of medication dispersal as well as mental and physical exercises to try to keep the ugly disease at bay. There's not enough time in a 45-minute show to demonstrate all the results of the degradation, but they hinted at the anxiety, the midnight wake-ups, and the dangers that caregivers face when they are taking care of a loved one. In reality, those parts of the care are much more pronounced and can be more overwhelming and dangerous than I can describe here. Just know that the toll it takes on the person seeing the filtered version of their partner is staggering and heartbreaking. "This Is Us" did such a good job of touching on this that I began to sob as the episode progressed. BUT WAIT...THERE'S MORE! The creators sent my sobs into wails by adding the Billy Joel song, "And So It Goes" onto the soundtrack accompanying the terribly sad storyline of Miguel's decline while trying to help his wife. It's one of my all-time favorite songs despite its melancholic theme. I hated the creators and loved them, all at the same time, because they couldn't have chosen a more appropriate song to sail the love story of Miguel and Rebecca into the sunset. I felt the emotional pain so hard that my sweet Macey came to take that pain away. But, I think that I had to watch that episode at that time, in solitude, so that I could process the grief in ways that I hadn't before.

    Thank you, Dan Fogelman, for creating these characters and story arcs, for taking the risks associated with delving into the lives and loss of Alzheimer's patients and their families. Thank you, Mandy Moore, for doing your dutiful research to produce an authentic example of a woman delving deeper into the abyss of loss that an Alzheimer's patient experiences.  I admire you for taking the risk as an actress of such a tremendous task. And, thank you, Jon Huertas, for giving an incredible and genuine performance as Rebecca's devoted caregiver and love.  You all could've gotten it so wrong. But based on the emotional response triggered by the episode, you really got it right.

    I still hope that none of you, Dear Readers, have to endure that heartbreak. But this life inevitably includes moments such as these. As we age, we see more and more of this in our lives--loss of loved ones, young and old. Adulting is hard. I miss those naive (and even stupid) thoughts I had as a kid. Everyday, I fear Alzheimer's will touch me even more personally than it has already. I can only pray that everyone around me will escape that fate. But, unfortunately, I cannot control the future. I can only write what I think in hopes that it will give you a moment of reflection. No filters on this one.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this. Until the next post, may your day be sparkling.🌞